Of Flour, Sugar and Bad Cooking
by TrulyDevious
Summary: Sheik grimaced, it was suppose to be a lazy and relaxing weekend. No school, no work, no parents; nothing but a good book and lots of hot pockets. That was until a blazing ball of sunshine forced his way over to- of all things- bake... There was no way things were going to go over smoothly. AU/ Two-shot.
1. Whisking the Kitchen Away

**Pairing:** male!Sheik x Link

**Rating:** T

**Genre: **Humor/Romance

**Summary:** It was suppose to be a calm and relaxing Saturday. No school, no work, no parents. Just a book by the fireplace and a big cup of coffee. That was until a blazing ball of sunshine forced his way over to, of all things, bake. There was no way things were going to go smoothly. AU

This is my first time writing fluff... I don't think I did such a good job because it's not really fluff. It hints of romance and all around craziness. So read, enjoy, take a nap and review ;D

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**Of Flour, Sugar and Bad Cooking**

Sheik's back hit the wall with a dull thud as he slid down to the floor. He began to bang his head on the wall; the rhythmic thumping was the only sound for a few minutes.

"Sheik?" Link's voice floated downstairs and into the kitchen. Apparently he could hear him. "_Sheik_. I'll be down in a minute. Don't worry about it okay? This place will be spotless by the time I'm through with it!" Link happily chirped. Said Hylian was upstairs gathering all the necessary cleaning supplies from the hallway closet.

Sheik was glad that his mother, Impa, was away on business because even though Link was extremely loved by her; she would not let this slide. He wasn't even sure how he had managed to not explode at the fair-haired young man. Sheik stopped hitting his head and took a deep breath. It had all started out fine. Link had called him and was wondering if Sheik would do him a favor. Of course he didn't think twice about it and had agreed before Link had even told him what he needed help with.

He should have known from a few past experiences to ask what Link needed before agreeing. So Link told Sheik he'd be over in a few minutes and to preheat the oven. At those words Sheik's face fell. Before the shocked teen could utter a word of protest Link said a quick good bye and hung up, leaving Sheik frozen in place until he heard a sharp rapping on his door.

Slowly hanging up the phone still held to his ear, he made his way to the front door. As Sheik opened the door he was greeted with Link's bright smile, something that could warm up even the most bitter and cold days. Link's flyaway hair was lightly dusted with white, as it had just started to snow, and his cheeks held a rosy pink color. Even in his puffy down green jacket Link was bouncing lightly on his heels to try and keep himself warm.

"Hey Sheik!" He all but yelled in the poor teens face as he tried to side step the shorter male blocking his way. Link could feel the warmth brush against his face and it took much of his restraint from simply picking up the short male before him and pulling them both inside. But to his chagrin Sheik just leaned against the door frame and held the door tighter.

"Link... I'm sorry but I'm going to have to go back on my word. I refuse to let you cook in my home. You know how it'll turn out." Sheik stated bluntly. The last time Link wanted to bake something was when they were at Zelda's house. It was suppose to be simple, just add eggs and water. It ended with batter on the ceiling, frosting and sprinkles in Zelda's blonde tresses and a flaming cupcake tin. From then on Link wasn't allowed anywhere near the kitchen.

Sheik's heart ached as he watched Link's bright smiling face drop and stare at him with glossy eyes. He was always there for Link, even for the most ridiculous of things, like the time they bought every single balloon in Castletown just so little Tingle down the street could make an attempt at flying.

Bouncing on his feet Link gave Sheik his best puppy dog face, complete with pouting lips and crocodile tears. Sheik tore his eyes away from the kicked puppy and shook his head.

"Link, come on. I'm not saying this to be mean. It's just... Well, _you_ _know_... A **really** bad idea. Like a really_, really_ bad idea." Sheik chanced a glance back at the Hylain, his pout still remained in place.

"Link don't give me that look. I'm not going to change my mind. Impa will be back tomorrow and I plan to keep the house intact, if only for one day. Remember what happened last time when we tried this with Zelda?"

"Sheik, I promise I won't wreck the house! I've been practicing for a while now! I've gotten better! Honestly! I just need some help with this recipe and I'll be out of your hair." Link stopped bouncing on his heels as he took his hands out of his pockets and pressed his palms together.

"I promise!" Just as Sheik was about to deny him again, Link got down on his knees and shuffled forwards a little. There was no way he could say no now. Not after _that_ display. Sheik had no choice but to step aside and let the blue eyed wonder into his home. A choice he would regret for a long time to come.

"You don't need to- Ah forget it. Alright, fine. You win. Come inside." Sheik sighed. Link's face lit up in an instant as he tackled Sheik in a hug. Trying and failing miserably to pry him off, Sheik had no choice but to get the air squeezed out of him. Slowly Link finally loosened his hold on the short male. Pulling back to look Sheik in the eyes he studied the golden flecks that shone through the crimson brown pools before him.

Link planted a soft peck on his forehead and nuzzled his nose into his long hair. He breathed in the scent of him- cinnamon, maple and the smokey scent of firewood. His hand began to roam the lean muscles of Sheik's back, venturing lower and lower to his curvy backside. Sheik growled in annoyance. Link was just trying to butter him up and it was working.

"I thought you came here to bake. Not to feel me up." Not that he didn't appreciate it. It was that he appreciated it too much. If he decided to let Link continue his ministrations they would probably end up in a hot heap upstairs in his room... _'On second thought that's much better than having Link bake.'_

"Oh right! Let's get to baking shall we?" Pulling himself completely away from the Sheikah, Link hung up his coat and headed towards the kitchen with his backpack.

"Shit." Sheik could only follow after him quietly, as he rubbed his forehead. He was going to get premature wrinkles at this point. The warmth of another lingered on him as he watched Link set up shop on the countertop. His brow was pinched as he concentrated on the task at hand. Large hands moved mechanically as he placed the bowl on the counter, the eggs next, milk, butter, shorting and so on. Sheik was beyond amazed at how Link began to sort the dry ingredients from the wet ones. That was far too advanced of a skill for him to know, let alone comprehend. Sheik rarely thought of Link as incompetent but when it came to being in the kitchen the teen was a lost cause. _'Kind of like Midna and her sense of direction.'_

"Link... Why don't I mix the ingredients? Better yet, how about you just hand me things and I'll do all the work. Sound good?" He didn't give him room to answer as he slid up to the taller man and grabbed the whisk from his hand rather forcefully.

Grabbing the whisk back and pushing Sheik to the side, Link took back command. "Or you can hand me the ingredients while I cook. Come on! This is why I came over!" He whined; he could be a real child when he wanted to.

"I need to learn and I almost got this recipe down. I just can't get it right for some reason so I need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong," He flashed him one of his winning smiles he was oh-so-famous-among-the-girls for. Sheik sniffed and turned his back towards Link while he looked over the recipe book. He hated being given the same looks that Link gave those prissy, yapping whores. He wasn't one you could just use and abuse.

Link stopped his tirade of cooking as he saw Sheik stiffen. He knew what was coming next, first the snippy comments then flat out silence with looks that could kill. He just hoped yelling wouldn't rear its ugly head. Sheik being livid was never a pretty sight. He tended to bite. And not in the fun, sexy way. Wrapping his flour-covered hands around the petite teen, Link began to nuzzle at Sheik's hair again.

"What did I do this time?" Hot breath ghosted the shell of Sheik's tanned ear, sending shivers down his spine. Link moved from his ear down a little lower to his neck, all the while planting soft kisses along the way. Sheik tried not to squirm out of his grip, but he was so damn ticklish around his neck.

"Gah! Ah... Link! St- ha ha ha! S- stop! It! Tick- Tickles! It tickles!" Gasping for air Sheik managed to slump out of the backwards embrace and onto the floor panting. "You sack of shit. You know I hate it when you do that!" Sheik scolded. He was more so annoyed then angry. Link was being too sweet to actually be mad at.

"No more, you necrophiliac. And don't give me that cheesy smile again. I'm not one of those whores that always throw themselves at you. I'm your boyfriend." Bending his head back and glaring was the best he could do from his position on the floor.

"Well how do you want me to look at you? Like this?" Link crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue. '_Yeah... He's still a kid.'_

"Grow up." Sheik huffed. Though he had to admit it was comical seeing the pretty boy making such a face. "Come on let's finish whatever we're making. And no more getting me dirty. I like being flour free."

Sheik reached for the counters edge to pull him up, fingers glancing over spilled sugar and flour. As if by some unfortunate fate the second he grabbed the edge of the counter, Link pushed the bowl of dry ingredients a little too far and a cloud of white sugary powder made it's slow decent upon Sheik. It was as if time had stop the moment the bowl landed over his head.

Link couldn't hold back, he doubled over in laughter, as Sheik simply took off the bowl on his head; puffing out a cloud of baking goods.

"That's it. Get out. _NOW!" _Sheik stood up, towering over Link as he looked down at him. "_I won't wreck the house Sheik! Honestly!" _Sheik mimicked; a snarl on his lips.

"But Sheik I didn't wreck the house! I just got you a little dirty!" Link protested. He stood up and wiped a little powder off of the top of Sheik head, "All you need is a shower and we can sweep up the floor. See? Easy fix!" Link smiled brightly at his boyfriend. He really did over react sometimes.

"If you keep being so uptight you'll have high blood pressure or a heart attack... Or-"

"I get it. Fine. Sweep up the floor; I'm going to shower. And please no baking while I'm not here to supervise." He quirked an eyebrow at Link, expecting a good answer.

"Aye aye captain! This place will be sparkling by the time you come back. But uh... Don't you want some help cleaning up? I mean you might miss a spot or two." A foxy smile spread across his face as he wiggled his eyebrows at him.

Sheik blushed lightly at what Link had implied; it was a good thing that the flour covered up his face. He hated it when Link pointed out he was blushing. The problem wasn't that they hadn't done the dirty yet. It was just embarrassing every time Link suggested it.

"Just get to cleaning." He huffed and made his way up stairs.

"Righty-o." Link saluted dejectedly. He really was looking forward to some personal Sheik time. Sheik had always been a bit iffy about getting too close to anyone. And now that Link had entered his life it was like a complete 180. Link took every opportunity to touch the hot tempered boy, while in the beginning Sheik had done everything to thwart his attempts, now he surprised even Link with his warmth. From time to time. And now was definitely not the time.

"Alright. I can clean... Or I can finish the cake... Clean? Cake? _Clean_? Cake. I can finish it without any distractions." Link looked down to the mess on the floor then to the ingredients on the counter. The cake definitely looked more interesting.

"Sheik will be so surprised when he sees this!" Link rolled up his sleeves and left the mess on the floor, deciding to clean it up after his cake was in the oven. Diligently he followed the recipe, skipping the parts he didn't understand like shifting the flour or caramelizing the brown sugar. Deciding that most of these steps weren't important (in the end they all go together anyway), Link pressed on; throwing fruit into the baking pan all the while clicking the mixer on to blend up some more batter.

_Splat! Splot! Plick!_

Link barely had time to duck as the mixer zoomed out of control and began to splatter batter all across the homely kitchen. Reaching out to grab the mixer Link quickly shut off the possessed contraption. "Aw shit. Sheik is going to ripe my balls off when he sees this..."

Rushing towards the sink, Link grabbed the roll of towel papers and began to wipe up the mess. In fact he only ended up making the situation worse. Batter stuck to the floor and refused to come off. The batter on the walls left a yellow stain mark as it dripped to the floor.

And as if the Goddesses had it out for Link, Sheik descended the staircase at that exact moment, having already taken a quick shower and changed. His expression would have been comical had Link known he wouldn't get in trouble. Sheik's mouth hung limply as his eyes widen in shock and horror. Backing up until his back hit the wall Sheik slowly slid to the ground and put his face into his hands.

Link winced at the condition his boyfriend was in. Slowly he crawled over to the small ball crouched on the ground. "Sheik? Sheik, are you going to be alright? It's not that big a deal. I just need some cleaner and a broom and I can have this place cleaned up in a jiffy! Watch you'll see!" Link quickly bounced onto his feet and made a mad dash up the stairs to the closet of cleaning supplies. Slowly Sheik began to bang his head on the wall, not believing what a mess Link had gotten into.

"I'm dead." Was all Sheik could say. Impa was going to castrate him.

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**A/N**: Should I make a second chapter? If not I'll leave it as a one-shot


	2. Basted

**A/N:** As per request of all my lovely reviewers! Thank you so much! Sorry for such a long wait for an update but better late than never! :D Enjoy!

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**Basted**

'_I wonder how long Sheik will stay mad at me… It can't be too long, can it?'_ Link listened to the rhythmic thumping from bellow. _'Scratch that. This could take a little more than some sweet talking…'_

Link quickly made his way down the stairs; cautiously he stepped around the corner into the kitchen. Sheik sat still against the wall; eyes closed to the horror in front of him, muttering to himself.

"Sheik?" Link ventured. He had never seen his immaculately composed boyfriend talk to himself. He was the definition of sane; he made even the ever composed and snooty Ruto look like a raging harpy.

"Oh goddesses! I broke you didn't I?" Link dropped all the cleaning supplies and knelt next to the blonde youth. Sheik seemed to be in his own world; he continued to mutter nonsense and repeatedly made the sign of the Triforce across his chest. "Please talk to me Sheik. You're starting to freak me out."

Taking a deep breath, eyelids slid open slowly to reveal blank amber eyes. Sheik stared ahead; not even bothering to pay his worried boyfriend any attention. The silence stretched as Link waited for Sheik to say anything.

Opening his mouth to ask him if he was okay for the third time, Link was abruptly cut off.

"It's going to be okay." Sheik whispered. Link's face broke out into a bright smile at those soft words.

"Yeah everything's going to be okay! I told y-"

"No," Sheik cut him off. Red orbs slid slowly to the right, finally giving Link some of their attention. "They told me it's going to be okay."

Link cocked an eyebrow. He was confused and a little freaked out, _'They.'?_ Who was Sheik talking about? "Who is "They" Sheik?" Casting his eyes around the petite kitchen, Link made sure they were the only ones there.

"They did," Sheik supplied uselessly, "They told me it's going to be okay if I kill you." Silence fell between the two once more. Mouth agape, Link wasn't sure how to answer. Surely Sheik was joking… Right?

"N-Now hold on Sheik. Murder is not okay. And who is '_They'_?" Link would never admit it but this would live up to be the scariest moment of his life, even beating out the time he got an eye full of Ganon and his junk. Farore was going to be most disappointed in him when he goes to confess next.

"The Goddesses; Din, Nayru and Farore all agreed. They answered my pray of what I should do. I asked if I should kill you and they said yes." Sheik regarded Link calmly; eyes unblinking until he seemed to find what he was looking for. In one quick motion Link was on his back with a furious Sheikah straddled above him, ready to give an old fashion beat down.

Link coughed as the air was knocked out of him and held back his ragged sigh of relief as he studied Sheik. Livid was an emotion he could handle from his deadly boyfriend. Emotionless detachment was a whole new level of rage Link never wanted to experience again. Bracing his feet against the ground, Link bucked up and twisted to his left before Sheik could let lose his pulled back fist. Throwing his arm around Sheik, Link swapped their positions and caught the elbow aimed for his gut.

"So it's gunna be like that, is it?" Link huffed from above; despite Sheik being shorter, skinnier and all around less threatening looking he packed a punch. It didn't help that his family was well known for having a legacy as the country's top mixed martial arts champion. They were bred to fight.

Twisting his hips, in what Link could only describe as impossible and drop dead amazing in bed, Shiek managed to lay Link flat on his face with his left arm pinned to his back. Flour, baking soda and sugar seemed to assault Link as he took in a strained breath.

Leaning down, hot air ghosted over his captives pointed ears as a feral smirk danced around his lips. "Yeah. It's gunna be like that." What Sheik didn't expect was that Link could get out of his hold. He never could before. Maybe it was all the training he did with Ashei, but he definitely didn't see the elbow coming at him until he was hit in the side and stumbling off Link as his former captive began to stand.

"Fine have it your way." Link brushed some flour off his face as Sheik took the moment to strike back. Link had learned when they were kids that the best way for Sheik to calm down was to hit something. He used to take up sticks and attack trees or when things were really bad Link would draw his anger upon himself and beat his friend back in return.

He still remembers the time after their first fight, he was only seven, when he had turned up at his doorstep with a bloody mouth, bruises and scratches all over his body and a finger bent in an awkward position. His mother had blown her top. The normally warm and soft spoken woman patched him up and then proceeded to drag him to Sheik's house to hear the other half of the story.

It was more than a surprise when they had run into Sheik and Impa on the way to see them. The white haired mother couldn't apologize enough for what Sheik had done. But instead of the boys refusing to talk to each other, Sheik had promptly apologized too and started to compare band-aids and battle wounds. Link couldn't stop the face splitting grin that broke the skin on his lip again as he got Sheik to show him how to properly hold someone in a choke hold.

It never mattered how bad the fight was between them, a few bruises and broken bones later they'd be back to normal. Laughing or as Link enjoyed doing as of late, making out always eased any stray tension left behind.

So when Sheik's knee collided none too gently with his stomach, he made sure to grab the offending leg and drag the slowly calming man down to the messy floor with him. As he gasped for air he dragged his hand through damp long lock and pulled Sheik's scowling face right to his before claiming his mouth in a tangle of lips, teeth and tongues.

Already out of breath Link ended the kiss far too soon for his liking. Making sure to wrap a tight arm around Sheik's petite waist, Link took a moment to assess his boyfriend. A brushing of pink settled on Sheik's tan face as he looked anywhere but at the man beneath him, the scowl of annoyance was nothing new. Sheik was always annoyed. Always. Link thought he had some kind of condition, Vexed- sifilis as he liked to call it.

"I am sorry you know…" Link trailed off as Sheik's eyes snapped back to him. "I just wanted to do something special for you. Ya' know our anniversary is tomorrow."

Sheik rolled his eyes and pinned Link with a flat glare. "If you wanted to do something special you could have given me the gift of staying-the-hell-out-of-the-kitchen. And our anniversary isn't tomorrow. It's in two months… How the hell did you think it was tomorrow?"

Link pushed himself up, but kept his tight hold on Sheik, setting the man to straddle his lap and blush even more. He could feel his half hearted attempts at pushing him away. "No, no. Not our anniversary since we started dating. It's been two years since I first kissed you! Do you remember how hard you punched me? Haha! I was pretty sure my jaw would never sit the same again."

Sapphire locked with sienna as Link waited for Sheik's sputtering reaction. He hated it when Link did things like this. Like the last time when Link decided to celebrate their first time. He had been bedridden for a week afterwards.

"You're an idiot." Shiek sighed. Disappointed, Link had been hoping for a different much cuter reaction, his only answer was the pout.

"The first time we kissed wasn't two years ago. It was more like 10 years ago. Don't tell me you don't remember." From the confused look on Link's face, he had his answer.

"Remember when Ganondork tried to take your bike?" Shiek prompted. Link took a moment but from the way his face lit up, he definitely remembered now. They had been about eight or so and were heading off on some great adventure out in The Lost Woods. Ganondorf and a few of his minions had come out of nowhere and cut them off. He started talking smack and had shoved Link off his bike, ready to take his loot away. Sheik had quickly hopped off his own bike and onto the back of Ganondorf; fists flying.

The fight maybe lasted all of five minutes before the older boys got their asses handed to them by a pair of eight year olds. They had laid there on the edge of the forest catching their breath, when Sheik had rolled over to look over Link and his injuries. Producing a handful of band-aids his mother had stuck in his pockets, Sheik went about patching them both up.

Afterwards as Link gently climbed onto his bike, too sore to do anything too fast, Sheik had taken his head in both his heads and placed a soft chaste kiss right on his mouth. At Link's flabbergasted look the little Sheikah had said he had too many owies to kiss them all better, so one kiss would have to do. A sunny smile broke out on Link's face as he said thanks and lead the way so they could continue their adventure.

"Huh. I kinda forgot about that." Link rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Really? I never would have guessed." Sheik retorted.

"Still doesn't mean we can't celebrate!" Without waiting for his replay Link leaned in and brushed his lips against Sheik's. Taking his bottom lip in between his own and licking tentatively for permission to enter. Sheik complied without a fuss, allowing Link to dance around his mouth as his tried to suppress the shudder that ran down his spine. Long fingers toyed with the edge of his shirt as he felt Link dip his fingers under and brush against his flat abdomen.

The moan that followed after didn't escape Link's notice. Pulling away from the kiss, he nuzzled into the long warm expanse of Sheik's collarbone. It was now or never.

"Still wanna kill me?" An annoyed grunt met his words and Link took that to mean, 'Yes. But not right now.'

"You still have to clean this up. It better be spotless before tomorrow. I want to stay in one piece and if Impa sees this, I might as well dig my grave and lay down in it now." No threats were thrown, no punches hurled. Link leaned back and smiled at Sheik. They had really come a long way if he wasn't throwing threats every other sentence.

"Of course! I told you I would fix this and I will! You really should believe in me a little more." Link flashed him a bright sunny smile that had Sheik pinching his cheeks and squishing his face, all the while telling him to stop giving him that crap smile.

Two hours of intense scrubbing, lots of cursing and wonderment of how-in-hell-did-you-burn-this-when-the-oven-wasn't-even-_on_, was all it took before the kitchen was back to normal. Something the young Sheikah repeatedly thanked the Goddesses for.

Link threw his arm over Sheik's shoulder and gave him a light kiss on the forehead before suggesting oh-so-innocently, "Wanna have sex on the counter? I have a bunch of frosting in my bag. It'll be kinky~"

Sheik didn't hesitate to elbow him in the stomach and throw him out of the house.

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Sunday afternoon rolled around bringing Impa home with it. Sheik breathed a sigh of relief as he glanced around the kitchen once more. He was in the clear and his mother suspected nothing, as they stood at the counter flipping through their book of restaurant take out places Sheik felt a bolt of horror race down his spine.

As if in slow motion a brownish blob of _something_ fell in front of his face and landed with a muted _ploop _in between his mother and him. Impa furrowed her brows and gazed up as Sheik slowly followed her stare. Right above them a small brown splotch clung to the ceiling, whatever it was made of jiggled and threatened to drip all over them.

"Sheik," her voice was cold and questioning, "what is that on my ceiling?"

Audibly gulping he managed to reply. "It's a sign that I need to run." And he did, in record time he slipped on a pair of shoes, forwent a jacket and escaped out into the below ten degree weather to Link's house around the block; where he greeted his boyfriend with a punch to the face.

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**A/N:** I dunno. I like pervy!Link and tsundere!Sheik. Don't hate.


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